Bibbi

My cat Bibbi has fallen ill very quickly and her kidney values are sky-high. I am trying some special food, but everybody say that it won't help, and kidney failure is bound to make me have to put her down. It's sad. I don't think I have grasped it, and I won't, until I go home with an empty box. I don't want her to suffer of course, so I won't try to keep her alive if I see things aren't improving for her. Sigh. The reality of having your pet die is something that you know about, though. I just don't want her to suffer. She is very hungry right now and eats very well, but doesn't drink. I have to give her water with a syringe, and it's very difficult and she hates it. Plan is to do this for a week to see whether her body responds. She looks so little and feeble though so I don't have any hopes.

Such is the way of the world I guess.

Yesterday, N came and was really nice and helpful about it. After, I tried to clear my head by going dancing. I danced so much and everybody was lovely. Mårten showed me loads of things and gave me advice, and boy, did I need that yesterday. I got to dance to Nina Simone's "My Baby Just Cares For Me", which was like a dream come true, because in my mind, that song is totally amazing.

All in all, a schitzo day, very very sad on the one hand and totally euphoric on the other.