ohhhhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhh!!!

Photographer: Maria Lundgren (the location and time of this photo has nothing to do with tonight's event)

Dancing tonight at Tangopalatset made me feel alive! I loved every second, smiled constantly at everyone and got to dance about 25 times on the social dance, and before that there was 1,5 hours of dancing at the course. I loved loved loved loved loved it. Who needs anything else? It's really coming together now so much more than before. I get alot of advice from the pros there. Danced with Erik, Anton - one of the teachers - I love dancing with him!, Krister, Anders (from course), Magnus from course and Micke and a bit with Ingrid and Finn.

Anyway, wow what a cool night. It's one of them days when you wish you could have stayed there until death do us part.

Tvåsamhetens vara eller icke-vara

En tanke slår mig när jag försöker sova. Många människor befinner sig i förhållanden som inte är bra för dem, kanske rentav destruktiva. Kanske märks det knappast på ytan, men under den, ligger frustrationen och gror. I ett intressant samtal med en killkompis för några veckor sedan diskuterade vi tvåsamhetens vara eller icke vara. Just då kände jag mig frustrerad och trött på allt vad förhållanden heter. Det gör jag nog fortfarande. Kommer någon för nära blir det ganska jobbigt. Får jag själv välja att komma någon nära, så känns det tryggare. Men en viktigare tanke slår mig alltså nu: Kanske det inte är tvåsamheten i sig det är fel på, utan faktiskt det liv jag valde att leva under en period? Personen i fråga och jag var kanske helt enkelt bara galet fel för varandra? Kanske det en dag kan bli underbart med någon som är ämnad för mig? Kanske kan man må bra igen med någon man faktiskt har en massa gemensamt med?

LIfe's little mysteries.

To desire something we cannot have is inevitable.
To get something we do not desire - is that our destiny?
Sure seems like it. Why can't things be in reverse?

A very cool ending to a crap day

Today has been dull and lonely and uninspiring. I'm usually positive about things, but today wasn't one of those days. As mentioned before,however, I have corresponded back and forth with Tom, a lindy hop guru from Washington DC. His partner Debra is also super cool so I decided to write her an email. They run a business called Gottaswing. She responded with a nice, warm email saying that my first email to Tom impressed him and so he read it out from the stage at Glen Echo, the swing venue in DC - in front of about 700 people. Kind of flattering. I wrote about listening to swing for most of my life, but now, being able to USE it - like a perfect cartoon springing to life, was just superb.

Anyway, looking forward to further contact with both of them. I really like them very much.

Over and out.

dancing dilemma

Oh lordy. Yesterday Roger Berg big band played at Tangopalatset. They were absolutely brilliant, best I've heard in a long time, big band wise.
As for the dancing, Im getting more and more self-concious and I get frustrated when I don't pick up the lead properly. I think I need to dance with one of my pro friends for a bit longer to get more feedback soon. I have a few of them now so hopefully they will be nice and helpful. Sometimes it flows really smoothly, and at other times I feel like an idiot. I guess that's how the cookie crumbles... no?

Purple Haze

Isn't my rug fabulous!? I love it!
My parents are coming today for the first time. Should be fun and relaxing I hope. I'm bringing them to the dance tomorrow, because there is a big band playing, so everything should be swell. Personal goal this time is to not feel crap and sorry for myself but to dance as much as possible, maybe ask some "new" guys this time. Brave, braver, the bravest. Off we go!

Aunt visiting

Oh boy...
I'm off work at the moment and it feels really good. Trying to find things to do without getting too restless is a huge task for me. Not easy. My aunt has just been visiting for a few days. We went downtown etc, it was great. I also bought a purple rug, cool huh?
Monday night's dancing in Lund sucked donkey's ****! My follow skills were shit, and I felt awkward so I didn't ask anybody to dance. Some of the men who asked me to dance weren't very good leaders and that made me feel insecure too. I always like dancing with Micke R though, he's really cool! Thoughts go out to his girlfriend who was home sick that day. Credit also to Mårten again, who played King of the Road... oh yeah!!

Bibbi=better

Auntie and I have gone downtown, had some coffee - all in all a really nice day. She bought me dinner at JPs. Ordered dance shoes today online because my knees are giving me trouble right now. I really have nothing more to add today. Just that Bibbi is eating solid food now and drinks more. She is still very thin but seems happy enough. I will prolong my decision for awhile.

Tango tomorrow. ciao.

Hallelujah Moment.

Fuck roses on Valentine's this year!
I am euphoric. The pieces of my puzzle have fallen into place. I feel complete somehow, tonight. Dancing was fucking awesome. I learned loads. Course 2 started. Talking alot to Mårten tonight was bliss. He is so much fun.
Life rules.

On that note..

Jag ska till Herräng 08!!!

Har just anmält mig till Intermediate kursen i Herräng i sommar!! Herre Gud, vad bisarrt och spännande! Man sover i sovsalar och dansar i princip lindy hop (och andra typer av swingdans som balboa, charleston, blues etc) dygnet runt! Lärare och deltagare kommer och stannar i någon vecka eller till och med månad för att "leva swing". Frankie Manning finns med i år med, fan vad häftigt detta ska bli. Ska försöka få voluntär-jobb v 2 för då får man en extra kurs och kan därmed stanna en vecka extra.
Ja, jag är alldeles för uppspelt för att kunna skriva mer...
Läs och njut här.
På fredagarna är det temakväll och jag fick följande instruktioner för v 1:
Friday 4th July 2008, 9 p.m. Public Enemy Number One
Welcome to the Number One party. This night is a tribute to the gangsters who protected great jazz musicians during the period of time when jazz was a bit more controversial. Roaring Twenties, Mafia is taking over the city and so is Jazz. Duke Ellington, Louis Armstrong, Bix Beiderbeck and many more are supported and protected by mobsters and racketeers. Men of honour are in the house tonight so don’t forget to dress up with class and good taste. Welcome and let the joint be jumpin’!

Simple Pleasures

Today I wish I could not think of all the "musts" and "ought-to's" and just focus on life's simple pleasures such as the wonderful breakfast buffet I had both Saturday and Sunday morning in Systrar & Bröder - a marvellous café nearby. Through the speakers, soft mellow tones of Ella and Louis were flowing freely across the room.

Bibbi

My cat Bibbi has fallen ill very quickly and her kidney values are sky-high. I am trying some special food, but everybody say that it won't help, and kidney failure is bound to make me have to put her down. It's sad. I don't think I have grasped it, and I won't, until I go home with an empty box. I don't want her to suffer of course, so I won't try to keep her alive if I see things aren't improving for her. Sigh. The reality of having your pet die is something that you know about, though. I just don't want her to suffer. She is very hungry right now and eats very well, but doesn't drink. I have to give her water with a syringe, and it's very difficult and she hates it. Plan is to do this for a week to see whether her body responds. She looks so little and feeble though so I don't have any hopes.

Such is the way of the world I guess.

Yesterday, N came and was really nice and helpful about it. After, I tried to clear my head by going dancing. I danced so much and everybody was lovely. Mårten showed me loads of things and gave me advice, and boy, did I need that yesterday. I got to dance to Nina Simone's "My Baby Just Cares For Me", which was like a dream come true, because in my mind, that song is totally amazing.

All in all, a schitzo day, very very sad on the one hand and totally euphoric on the other.

B1 beginner lindy hop course

Dance marathon. Done.
Dimman was cold in the break, as you can see. Second day went swell, and I loved every minute of it. Today I am off to Lund for more. Yay! May put up a little video later.

What a lovely day!

1. I made my grandma happy by calling her on her birthday. I also realised that I have inherited her positive attitude, which was a great feeling. It really is a good feeling to be able to make someone happy.

2. The course finally started. Dimman came along and had a decent time, but he's not coming tonight or tomorrow. Not surprising really, but I was happy that he came today anyway. I'm briefly home now before I'm going back for tonight's dance. There will be a band, Joe Spinachi. I think quite a few of the people on the course were going tonight too. So that's good. My personal goal is to do go there alone and to dance as many dances as possible. I barely want to sit down. I do want to do the crash course also. Let's see how many I can do. The highest number right now is 10 in an evening, and I want to top that loads tonight. A great thing for my self-esteem was when two of the guys there said I was the easiest to dance with. :) Of course, it's a totally different story when I go to dance with the big boys tonight. Totally different league, if there ever was one. But dance is all about having fun.

3. The sun was shining today, and it felt fabulous to be alive.

Missed Gordon and went dancing

Again, I managed to miss Gordon's Kitchen Nightmares on telly. Damn. Oh well, next week I'll record it. Despite having been off sick for two days I went to the dance tonight, it was fabulous. People were very generous as usual. Only one bloke turned me down which I thought was a bit rude. Mårten played a Cab Calloway song which I really liked.. More more more...
I learned some good stuff from Micke and Erik about frame, and to not to rockstep in the middle unless the guy leads you there. Very cool. I also asked two or three guys to dance. I actually like going there on my own better because you tend to get to dance a lot more that way.
Course starts now on Saturday (finally!), can't wait. I'm really excited, not only by that but also by Saturday's Club night when I know I'll be able to dance with experienced dancers.
Yay yo and hallelujah! Hoping Dimman will like this as much as I do. You never know... :)

Final steps

Now all I have to do is learn how to wind down at night, and go to bed earlier than midnight. I need a bit more sleep in order to have a good start of the day with some breakfast, radio and other things that need doing. How does one do that? I admit I'm having a hard time focusing on books right now, but that's another one of my goals, to be able to relax more. I have chosen to listen to music when I relax, but I will try to expand my horizons.
I needed more structure before and I have started cooking healthy food, exercise regularly and take care of the apartment properly. It runs smoothly, all apart from the sleep/morning issue. I also need to be able to get up earlier because in a few weeks I will only have my bike to rely on, and that requires some extra travel time.

School today is great - I am teaching my 6 graders about Neil Armstrong and the moon landing (in English) and we're watching Apollo 13. Quite cool to hear them learn all these new words and phrases like: roger that, ready for take-off, go for launch, 8 Gs and orbit, surface etc..

It's one small step for man but a giant leap for mankind. At least as far as my school is concerned.

Convinced yet?

This clip is dedicated to my friend in the woods of Småland who is a frequent reader of this blog. Dig this, my friend. Start moving those feet with your man - can't go wrong with some Gotan Project! This band is great, it's what they call Tango Nuevo, modern tango. Electrifying.

Lawdy Miss Clawdy I'm ready

Feeling so inspired this morning. I have cleaned up my act in so many ways recently. I'm taking care of myself physically and mentally every day. I have also worked a bit on getting a bit more structure in my life. I woke up early today and I just felt ready to deal with it. I have sorted out important papers recently, and tidied the house, and it feels like everything is coming to a close, as far as my old life goes, and things are sort of working out as far as the new one is concerned. I am learning how to eat proper food again but this time, it needs to work with my exercise. I eat healthily and I have more energy. I am losing weight and I stay off snacks and candy. My body doesn't need it anymore. Must have been some sort of escape from reality before. It's taken me a good 8 months to get to this point from absolute breakdown, but I feel stronger than ever before, physically and mentally. Hello world - I'm ready for more. Bring it on baby!

In the meantime, who doesn't get inspired to jump up and dance when you hear Lawdy Miss Clawdy? This excellent version, however, makes my knees rather weak. :)

You know when you've been Tango'd!

I bought a pair of tango sneakers today, mainly for home-practise use. It's really great how your posture and body shape just changes immediately as soon as you put them on. I'm struggling, but it really works well. The sole is made out of suede so to slide easier. I danced with one of the instructors again today, and he showed me lots of stuff, so I am very happy! Exciting. Other news dancewise - Lindy course starts on Saturday. I will go with Dimman - 11-16 on Sat, then to the Social dance where everyone dress up in the evening between 20-02. Some other people will come along to that too. Sunday we have course again between 11-16. Then course 2 runs on thursdays before the social dance.

Balance is improving very quickly with the help of high heels, tango, lindy and bosu. I am amazed.

A brief wish

I wish today that I had someone here to laugh with when things are great, and to cry with when things get rough - someone I can care about and who can care about me back. It's been really nice with some space, but it's getting a bit empty now.

Still got the blues

Photographer: Mikael Rundberg

Posture. Posture. Posture.
This photo was taken on Saturday night's Blues party in Lund.
Absolutely horrendous. But we were sitting on the edge of the sofa so extra-slouchiness is included in the price.

Catbay, ready for take-off.

Tomorrow I have my first recording in the apartment. I hope everything will run smoothly with computers, graphic- and soundcards, mixers printer and space. Will record backing vox on Elton John's "Daniel" and UB40s "Red Red Wine" tonight. The latter easier said than done. But maybe I can have a glass of wine with it? Yeah, that'll do the trick. Must buy cider and pretzels tomorrow.

Yesterday I felt really horrible about myself, but a few of my friends have been great to me today, you know who you are and thank you!

Stay safe.

Damnit

Why do I always feel crap when I get picked last or don't learn something super fast? Why does everything need to be a competition? Why can't I just do it because it's fun, and not care about that it takes me awhile to learn? I don't know...
Yesterday at the dance made me feel crap anyway. I must work on that.