Jag borde ha...

Nä ni. Det finns inte. Inte i min värld.

Jag tänkte just att "jag borde kanske ha börjat dansa tidigare"... Men min hjärna programmerade om det till "Nä, det borde jag inte alls. Jag var redo för det den dagen den kom till mig. Inte tidigare". "Vi kanske borde ha gjort slut tidigare".. blir till "Nä, det var en viktig epok i mitt liv och den behövdes och var rätt just då"... När man är 60 kanske man tänker "Jag borde ha dansat, eller spelat piano".. Men GÖR det då! Saker och ting är inte en tävling. Man behöver inte bli en fena, eller bäst på allt man gör. Man gör det för att känna en glädje och för att det känns givande. Men väljer man att känna meningslöshet (för det är ett val man gör) så får man ju göra det då. Men gnäll inte. Jag blir nästan förbannad på människor som är handlingsförlamade och känner nån typ av offermentalitet. Orkar inte umgås med såndana människor längre. Fattar faktiskt inte hur de orkar umgås med sig själva ens.

Som en kär granne till mina föräldrar brukar säga:
"Ta tag i ditt liv!" (Det ligger mycket i det)

Ett år senare

En dag som denna är bra för reflektion. Ett år har gått sen jag separerade. Det var jobbigare än någon kan föreställa sig i början. Pengar och saker skulle delas upp, när man befann sig i nåt slags chocktillstånd. Den som kände mig bäst av alla skulle nu försvinna helt ur mitt liv. Ofattbart. Ovanpå detta kom hårt fysiskt arbete som packning och flytt, av vilket jag gjorde det mesta ensam. Sen insåg man fakta, och i den vevan blev jag inlagd med brusten blindtarm i 8 dygn på akuten. Det var nog tur det, för jag vet inte om jag hade klarat att ta hand om mig själv just då.

Jag fick tag i min egen lägenhet, perfekt belägen i Malmö. Jag är jätteglad för den och trivs som fisken i vattnet. Jag har mindre med pengar, men det ska nog ordna sig. Borde dock göra upp en liten budget. Jag har tagit mer plats på jobbet och kommit underfund med vem jag är och vad mina styrkor och svagheter är både yrkesmässigt och privat.

Det största klivet från mitt gamla liv är dansen. Alla som känner mig vet att det har förändrat mitt liv. Inte bara det att jag känner en nybörjar-glädje och hela tiden vill bli bättre, utan en genuin glädje och passion att känna musiken så som jag alltid gjort men att nu få utlopp för den i rörelser. Samspelet med andra dansare är ju också något enastående kreativt.

Jag har lärt mig oerhört mycket om mig själv och andra det här året. Jag har trivts med att vara själv och göra sånt som jag själv mår bra av. Att inte ha honom längre i mitt liv är inte längre en förlust för mig. Vi har många minnen ihop och en historia. Den boken är sorglig att bläddra i fortfarande, såklart, för det är en stor del av ens liv som finns där. Men jag är inte sådan som person att jag blir nostalgisk och vill ha tillbaka saker som varit. Jag är positiv, drivande och målmedveten. Jag vill alltid något mer och till något bättre, om jag väl inser fakta att nuvarande plattformen är ostadig.

Jag tror ärligt talat att en människa kan åstadkomma hur mycket som helst, bara viljestyrkan och glädjen finns kvar. Man måste jobba framåt för sin egen skull, och inte för någon annans.

Winding down

Today I woke up at 6 am. Got up, paid bills, and quickly decided to go back to bed again. I've decided that taking it easy, not even getting out of the apartment for a few hours will do me good. Tonight I plan on attending Ingrid's BBQ party in Lund. I'm so glad she invited me to come too. I was there last night helping out a bit, and lent her five chairs.

I feel a bit thoughtful this morning, due to a nice mail I received from Tom Koerner. We talked about all kinds of things, and the exchange of information and ideas is tremendeous to me. I sometimes wonder what he gets out of it, but apparently he enjoys writing too.

We are the World, Japan

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

My balcony is the best.. Honestly.

Yeah, sure, the house was spaceous and nice in all kinds of ways, but this, this is nice for real. Again, I have what I need and no more, no less. Check out the balcony! What more can I ask for? (apart from a new skirt for the dance?)

No energy

Worked too late last night. Someone broke into the school after we left and stole all our computers, including all the new ones which were finally there, albeit still in their boxes.

I'm tired today. Some days it's hard to find energy. This afternoon I must do a few things around the house, deal with my car and my bike. Must. Ought to. Must. Ought to.

Won't.

Wasn't life supposed to be like this?

I just feel relief, excitement and an extreme sense of belonging when I'm on the dancefloor. It feels like coming home. Finally.

The Tango Experience

Today has been cool, and mostly about tango. I watched one class before attending my own. After that I and Marga went to Bo01 to dance on the stone floor by the water there. It's absolutely breathtaking on a warm summer-like day like today. Enjoy my video clips from the lesson (you see Ruben, the teacher, in a grey t-shirt) where they worked on connection and feeling impulses to move, and also a clip from Bo01. I danced a few dances here, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't quite satisfied when my ex was watching. I am just so happy now in my life. Never have I been more certain.

Ny möhippa och besök av M

Idag har varit en hektisk dag med både möhippeinspelning och besök av Maria L. Mycket trevligt. Vi drack kaffe, åt Ben & Jerry's "Fossil Fuel" och drack en massa rosévin där vi satt på världens bästa balkong med infravärme. Hon hade med sig sin pudel Mingus. Nu är klockan 2.30 am och jag är svintrött men kan inte sova.

Preparing for Stockamöllan

Stockamöllan swingfestival is getting closer. I have no idea what to bring, wear or where to sleep. In a tent, apparently, but I don't feel like buying a tent just for this one thing. I'm sure I'll be able to sleep in somebody else's tent though. A friend, Maria, is coming over today for coffee and maybe some wine, so I'll ask her about the details. I'm sure it will be great though, as we'll have about 4 classes every day...

Herräng...oh boy. Three weeks. I haven't even started worrying about that. I bought a cheap pair of cute high heels today for the blues dancing nights on Tuesdays in Herräng. There is a shop there where you can buy shoes and all sorts of dance apparel. I'm just wondering what to wear for the 2 or 3 theme parties.... New Age??? The admins of the camp sent out a mail with a pack list idea. It's long. But... as long as you have plenty of t-shirts and dance shoes you should get by, right?

I bought a calendar today and have started filling it with exciting things already.

I was excited to dance with Ola on Thursday. He was very good and I just took a class with him as a teacher, "Connection" if you recall.

The jazzroutine

This looks kinda shite, but I wanted to remember the steps. :)
Happy weekend, bottle is now open!

Weekends, summer breaks and fun

Summer break is getting closer by the minute. One the one hand I can't wait, and on the other I'm fearing it may be hard to wind down. harder than usual this year. I have alot of dancing planned though so it will be great fun. I already miss the dance floor today, it's extremely addictive.

Oh yeah!!

My God. I don't know if it was because I was well rested, but dancing was like floating on air. The course went fine - we put together all the moves into a routine, and then did it serveral times, all the time increasing the tempo. Swingout, swingout, swingout w Texas Tommy, lindy circle, under the arch, bananen m outside turn, slip in, under the arch, she goes change hands, back charleston turn with left arm, turn back with right arm, exit, fri passering, ...... I've forgotten it, but something like this. It was really fun.
We started by warming up with jazz routine to Cab Calloway's "Are you alreet".
fall of the log, shorty g, fall of the log, half shorty george, 20s charleston fram h, drunken sailor w break, 20s charleston fram h, drunken sailor w break, suzie q to left, suzie q to right, suzie q to left, slow suzie 1,2, 3 (stop), tackie annie, klappa händer ben upp, byt sida, spring in mot mitten, ta tag i nån och dansa loss.

I loved social dancing too. I danced with Sven 4 dances, Anders Eskilsson 3 dances, Ali 4 dances, Olle 3 dances, Ola 2 dances, Micke Antich 2 dances, someone whose name I don't know 2 dances, Ingrid 2 dances, Anton 2 dances, Johan N 2 dances, Magnus from course, 2 dances and Ted 2 dances. Oh and another two with a guy from the course. All in all over 30 dances.... I am exhausted but so happy. It was the best night of dancing I've had, or one of them at least.

Thanks to Anton and Jenny for wonderful course. I got some mp3s for the jazz routine etc, from him today, to practise to.

Save the last dance for me

Today is a sad day. It's my last lindy hop class with Anton, in Basic 3. I have learned so much since February when I first started. I have gone to every social dance event possible since - be it Monday, Thursday or even some Saturdays and Sundays. I've taken a beginner course which lasted a weekend, where we covered the basic steps, went on to Basic 2 where we learned alot of Charleston moves, and Basic 3 is more complex and we started focusing more on the musical side of things, making the moves fit to the music. That's mostly the guy's job though. I've also taken a course in Connection with more experienced dancers, like Anton for example. I have learned very much in class, but most of all, I've become better by dancing with loads of different leaders on the social dancefloor. They have all been very nice and generous to me, and made me feel at home there. Despite the fact that I've never used my body for anything like this, I can now manage to dance quite well, considering I haven't done it for very long. I'm pleased. Some days are better than others though.

Now for the future of my dancing, I will start off by going to take courses for members of Harlem Hot Shots in Stockamöllan where Gunhild Carling is hosting her annual swing festival which lasts for three days. After that is Herräng for 3 consecutive weeks. I can't wait. I have signed up for Gothenburg Lindy Exchange in August (a weekend thing), and then, in November I'm off to see Tom Koerner and Debra Sternberg in Washington DC. I will probably have time to squeeze in a course in between, called "higher levels", in Malmö. Apart from that I will take some private lessons in Herräng. Johan at the dance suggested I take a lesson with Frida, probably the best lindy follower in the world. She will be teaching in Herräng too.

Off we go. Gosh, I really don't want this class to end. Loving it...

Tango

Here is a crappy clip of today's tango lesson. The tall lady is the teacher along with Ruben. I had the honour of dancing with Marcel, I think his name is. He is the short guy dancing with the tall girl. He gave me lots of advice, and he's an extremely good dancer. Woo hoo! About 60 mins of that, what more do you need?

Under en filt i Rönneholmsparken

Fr.v: Anton (lärare i Basic 3 som jag går nu), Olle med filten och segelflyget, och Micke- the handyman som tillverkade denna fantastiska skapelse till grill! Det ni!

Igår hade vi vårfest med dansarna. Vi började kl 2 med att bada i havet på Kallbadhuset. Premiär för mig, det var fantastiskt! Man sitter i bastun tills man är riktigt varm, sen tar man ett dopp i det kalla vattnet. Uppfriskande, minst sagt. Tjejer och killar var för sig, men vi kunde allt se ett och annat från vår brygga. Lite öl intogs på bryggan.

Vi drog senare vidare hem till Mårten för att fixa maten till grillningen. Micke Rundberg hade tillverkat en gigantisk grill av en ventillationstrumma. Det blev kyligt när vi åt grillspetten, eller var det efter Tiramisun? Jag trängde in mig under Olles filt. Vi var ett gäng under filten där. Olle är cool. Han är segelflygare. På tal om "under en filt", kommer ni ihåg den här?

I loved

I loved many things in my life, and even a few people. Today, I particulary loved this sandwich which I enjoyed to the notes of a live jazz band, in a great café about 1 min walk from my house. I do live in an extraordinary place indeed.

An old love never fades...

...at least not in the "Simon and Garfunkel" case. Their music totally turned my life upside down many years ago, and I've loved them ever since. Just having a relapse here.

Four hours of recording

Ready to Rock

I suppose I needed some space, and some time alone at home has cured the urge. I get bored easily, however, so today I feel excited about tango class and the class covering "connection" in lindy hop dancing. I will go to Lund by train today. It's a great day and the sun is shining. I feel great in my new outfit. Only a hat is missing. 6 couples have signed up for the course today, and I would lie if I said I wasn't a bit nervous because all of them have danced for alot longer than I have. One of the participants is Anton, my teacher in Level 3 on Thursdays. :) Gah. Oh well, it's great to be able to do it!

Late on a Saturday

Today has been a pretty crappy day. I just didn't like it, was bored and didn't do anything special. I just cleaned the apartment and did the washing. Pretty weird being home alone. I tend to go out with friends most of the time, mostly only for dancing. Everybody else had plans today. Just one of these days I guess.

If I become serious with a guy again, I will make sure it's for the right reasons this time. I need someone who likes me back. Someone who likes to talk to me and do stuff with me. A relationship is supposed to be a 50/50 deal. If it isn't this time, well baby, I'm outta there. I'm sick of giving and not getting anything back. No more.

Living in a box?

My two cats, Hugo & Bibbi have adapted very well to this apartment and they, too, love the balcony. They used to live in apartments before and this is Hugo's third. They are now 9 and 10 years old. I feel guilty leaving them here sometimes when I spend so much time dancing, but they seem happy so it's probably OK. They are always in heaven when they get to go to my parents' house - we call it their summer camp - A Herräng for cats?

A well-deserved coffee break

Today is a beautiful day. T-shirt weather and the sun is shining from clear blue skies. Yet, I have decided that today will be for cleaning the house, since I never seem to have enough time otherwise. I am fortunate enough to have an excellent coffee shop next to where I live so I bought a latte to go and took a well deserved break on my fantastic balcony. I love my place. (Some days I miss the garden and the house, especially that beautiful huge Japanese cherry tree which is in full blossom right now).

From a cat's point of view

This is what my cats were watching through a gap in the balcony floor the other day! I was as surprised as they were! If only my students at school were this interested...

Dips and Loveliness

Hi folks,
Yesterday Johan Norin showed me 3 or 4 various dips that you can do when dancing, and I learned some techniques for carrying them out. It was really fun! We did them in front of the cash box where I was working för 30 mins, charging admission. Afterwards, when we danced socially, he gave me a piece of advice which I really found interesting. He was saying since I am rather short it's a good idea to get down closer to the floor so it's easier for me to maintain balance, even in spins! I focused on that alone yesterday and a alot of people gave me very nice compliments on quick progress. Olle, Anton and Johan gave me really useful advice last night. It was fantastic.

Suzie to the right...gah!!

And here you have it folks! My first Suzie Q to the right, which I find immensely difficult (as you can see, I'm sure, since it looks shite). Thanks to Ingrid, hopefully I can complete the routine tomorrow.

Suzie Q - pain in the posterior.

Practising the so called "Jitterbug Stroll" (a jazz routine) tonight. It contains four sections: the "padapada", the "kneeslap with Shorty George", "Suzie Q" and the "Tick Tock". The Suzie Q is very tricky to do, especially if you try to do it both to the left and to the right. Above is my first few attempts. Can't do it to the right yet. Comin up...

Yesterday

Yesterday was great at the dance. I loved it. Danced with some of the good guys - and it was like I felt a bit better about things. I realised I have been leaning back into the guy's palm until now, no wonder I was heavy to lead!

This week's goals

I realize this is of little or no interest to anyone but me, so skip this. I've written it here because I can't find a piece of paper anywhere.

This week's goals:

Monday: dance in Lund, put away clothes, make CD covers and invoices, leave taxforms, send off letters to 9th grade reunion

Tuesday: clean apartment, email customers, practise Jitterbug Stroll

Wednesday: Boogie Woogie class with Ingrid, Spanish revision

Thursday: Spanish, Lindy Basic 3 course, plus social dancing

Friday: Buy birthday present for Bibbi, do the washing

Saturday: nada

Sunday: tango lesson number 4

Party time. Again.

I have been fortunate enough to be able to attend a few great parties in the last two weeks. I've met a lot of wonderful people and I really had a great time. Today we went to Glumslöv up north. One of the dancers, Camilla, had a birthday party. Got a ride home from Ted.

strange encounters

My cats met Teddy the dog. Very cool moment!

When you have a bit too much fun

Last weekend I went to a house party in Lund. Didn't really drink that much, as far as I can remember, but a)I know the person in the military gear filled up my glass with whiskey twice and 2)I can't even remember taking this damned photo. Good thing I had a nice bra and dress on and could stand up straight for a while. I remember laughing alot though.

And then... well, the rest is now history, thank God.

Valborg at Håkan's house.

Today was great. I went to Ingrid's house first and had coffee there, and left my bags. We then went to the boogie woogie class that she's teaching. I got to join and learn the basic steps. What a cool dance! I absolutely loved it and will go along next Wednesday too since they offered. Afterwards, Ingrid lent me one of her bikes and we went to Håkan's Valborg BBQ. People sat in the garden in the dark and had drinks and food. It was really cozy. However, it was pretty damned cold so we went inside. I met more people which was great.


Me & my friend Niclas. We drank lamumba and Laphroig.


Ted, a nice guy who almost bought a house.


Niclas, Ingrid and I stayed until some ridiculous hour. Håkan, the host, is on the right.

All in all, a great day!