Tar livet slut vid 40, och vad innebär det att vara lyckad?

Nu är man snart där. Ja. Förti alltså. Här sitter jag i min lägenhet. Ingen man. Inga barn. Jag kan inte låta bli att fråga mig själv: Hur är man när man är lyckad? Måste man följa nån speciell mall? Blir man lycklig av bebisen? Blir man lycklig av den där designade Marimekkogardinen? Eller slutar man till slut prata med varandra, förutom när man diskuterar färgkoder till väggarna som ska målas?

Jag vet inte längre om jag längtar till det livet. Man följer en trappa och klättrar upp för den, för det har liksom alla andra gjort. Men måste man? Nä, så klart inte. Men kan man finna sann lycka i sig själv, i det man faktiskt har här och nu, och - ännu viktigare - nöja sig med det?

Jag konstaterar snabbt att jag är tacksam för att jag är frisk, att mina föräldrar är friska och att jag har en massa underbara vänner. Jag är tacksam för att jag har en inre drivkraft som gör att jag inte bara lägger mig ner och väntar på att livet ska komma till mig. Jag går ut och tar för mig. Ensam, om det så krävs.

Vad innebär det att vara lyckad då? Egentigen är det ju väldigt individuellt - men tror att de flesta slänger sig in i nästa fas bara för att det är en smidig mall, ungefär som när man skapar sin bloggsida, det finns något färdigt att fortsätta till. Nytänket, att gå ifrån allt det där, är jobbigare. Känner du att du har det du vill ha, just nu? Kanske sitter du där i ditt egendesignade hem, med din man och dina två barn. Du borde vara lycklig men det är något som saknas. Något känns bara tomt.

Inte vet jag. Men för min del börjar det bli mer och mer uppenbart att det inte finns något facit. Vill man bo själv och njuta av sitt liv utan att följa den där mallen, kan det nog bli minst lika bra ändå, även att jag inte riktigt är överrens med mig själv ännu. Träffar man Mr Right så gör man.

And another

The song we filmed before the previous one. A bit better I think.

Last Day Impressions

Last day. Last morning. Last eggs. Last goodbyes.
I've had an amazing time here. People have made me feel very welcome and special. I owe alot to Tom for that. I've been dancing loads - 9 nights in total. I've probably gotten more experienced on the dance floor even if last nights dancing didn't show the results I was after. Sure important to take the steps, but right now, I'll work on trying to mirror what the guy is doing. I don't really want to go home, but I guess I'm going to have to. I like my life back home too, and it's going to be great to see my friends again.

Last dance with Mr Tom

Last night of dancing. I had loads of fun dances, and the music was nice, and choppy, albeit a bit too much of the same thing. Danced with all kinds of people including four dances with Tom which is alot. He's been telling me earlier to try to be more upright and I'm working on that, and also taking smaller steps than before. But then today, things didn't turn out the way I had plannned, First, I hit him on the nose with my elbow. How embarrassing. Then, we filmed one song and I'm focused on doing my triple steps like I've been told by everybody. After the dance he says: Do you want an evaluation of your dancing? Yeah of course I did. He said: "Are you aware of how much you move" "You move so much you're making me exhausted and you're using up all your energy". I realized then, that I'm just doing the step at all costs, at all times, and I'm not mirroring the guy, at least not here. I want to be able to follow everybody, not just Swedes, and not just Swedes in my own dance community. We all speak different dialects, and I can understand and speak my own, but clearly not everyone else's. Yet. There are alot of things that have improved though, but hell, I'm kinda pissed off right now, and I'm going to get those things fixed. Crap ending. Again. Well, I'm gonna fix that too.

I danced with this guy!

I've been dancing quite alot with a guy who is just here visiting. The one who is travelling the country in his mobile home that I told you about? I found a clip at Larry's of him doing the ProAms with Carla! He'll be there tonight too, I think.

Elan and Cheesecake Factory

I should have bought the cheesecake itself, NOT the popcorn shrimp! Oh well. Another time. Today after classes at Elan we went to Cheesecake Factory to eat, and then Tom drove me home. We talked alot today, and it was really really great. Earlier in the day I'd had brunch with Larry and Bob, and afterwards I spent alot of time talking to Bob about dancing, while Larry was watching his football game.

Spent the day with Tom, finished off with The Boilermakers

Tom asked if I wanted to hang out for a bit, so I took the Metro to Vienna/Fairfax, where he lives. He picked me up after like 45 minutess, and took me to Artie's - a restaurant which serves classic American food. I had crab cakes, he had chicken club sandwich. Was very good. I got the check this time. We went home to his beautiful house, the biggest I've ever seen. The President could well live there, that's how beautiful it is. I played with Raymond, his youngest son, who is 3. Lovely kid! So cute! They were all going to their cousins to go trick-or-treating in the rain, so they dropped me off at the metro station.

Larry and I got ready to go to Glen Echo. The Boilermakers were playing. Some highlights were "Sweet Sue". Naomi Uyama was the singer. I think they were good, but the young crowd here think they're the bees knees - I think they are highly overrated. Nonetheless, I had really fun dancing tonight despite the absence of Tom & Deb. I think, however, that T&D's dances have a much more welcoming, warmer feel to them, these younger kids stand around in groups talking and/or dancing. I didn't get turned down when I asked some of them to dance, but alot of them looked at the floor and not at me. There were exceptions though which I liked.